She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
