I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
false alarm, still single
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
