Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
