And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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