I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
