omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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