ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
