sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
