This is not my ceiling
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
