i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
