Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
