I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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