I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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