if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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