HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
