That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
