OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
