So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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