mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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