none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm going to jail i love you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
