Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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