Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm too high and old for this...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
