I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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