Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
