oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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