I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
