he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
