The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
