So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
