Pappa wants mamma naked
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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