hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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