even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
