Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
