It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
