loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
