end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
