I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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