I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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