u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
