So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
