The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
