and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
