she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
