Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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