overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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