hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
