They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
