You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
