I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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