yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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