to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
