"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
soo... how was my night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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