I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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