apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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