I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
